4/20/14

REVIEW TIME: Gravity 2013


Gravity is a seven-Oscar-winning movie, starring Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. about how Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) gets stuck traveling in space with George Clooney after a s***load of debris completely destroyed their space ship. To make Ryan "Noob-Astronaut" Stone calm down, George uses his many experiences as Daniel Ocean, the Batman and some guy named Matt Kowalski to tell her stories and ask her questions (that make her calm down for some reason.).



The main highlight I would say of the movie, is that everything that can go wrong, did go wrong. It's like when you drop some papers, your subway passes you and you have to run after it maniacally because you're late for a meeting, and when you've finally reached the office, you realize that you left your suitcase in the subway. You then try going back home to see if you can get the papers, and it starts hailing, remembering how your car was towed away for being parked their ten minutes longer than allowed. This is what happens to Stone and Clooney, except that its in zero gravity, in space, and cars, offices and subways don't really play a role. Instead, on a normal day like any other (if you were an astronaut I guess), waves of life-threateningly-fast-space-shuttle debris destroy their space ship, and hurls Stone into space.



Kids, if you don't know Newtons first law is that what ever is in motion, stays in motion, unless changed by an outside force. Here on Earth, we have oxygen and other molecules in the air that cause friction. In space, their is no friction or oxygen or anything except dark matter. This means that if you throw a ball in the air on Earth, it will fall because of friction (and of course gravity), but if you throw a ball in space, it will never stop moving unless it hits a planet or something. This is the same for astronauts flung into space.
Out of panic, Stone runs extremely low on oxygen (5%) before George Clooney comes to the rescue, all Batman-with-a-jet-pack-that-shoots-fumes-instead-of-fire style. They have to go all the way to a Russian escape pod really far away, and surprisingly, something goes wrong again! George Clooney's jet-pack runs out of fuel and they are about to crash into the shuttles. (THIS MAY BE A SPOILER, HIGHLIGHT TO SEE)  [Stone and Clooney crash into the Russian shuttles. Stone is tangled in the wires, but George Clooney is stuck to the tether, and can float away forever (Newtons Law) so he unhooks himself and lets Stone live but kills himself. That is probably the worst idea in the world. How about pull yourself across the tether and grab some wires and be safe George? Nope, instead you decide to let go, in the most impossible way ever, calmly and happily. What a smart move George.]
The shuttles are all broken, things explode, and a new journey to a Chinese Shuttle commences. I won't say anymore except that even more things go wrong.
Overall, I guess the movie would be an 8/10 because it was good with the effects and interest hook (you wanted to see what happened next.) It was very dramatic and at times suspenseful, but like Batman and Robin, it had George Clooney and had a lot of bad jokes and plot holes. The movie wasn't as clever as Oceans 11, but was still presentable. 8/10, right there.

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